Journey of Forgiveness
"I grew up outside Chattanooga TN near the TN river, perhaps that is why I find being near bodies of water therapeutic. Born in 1973, I had a 13 yr. old brother, and a sister who died 16 months prior to my birth. She was 8 yrs. old, and it is believed she may have some medical issue like MS. My mother passed away from a stroke when I was in 2nd grade. My brother left home when Mom died. He was mentally unstable, and I have cut all ties with him.
"After Mom died, my father and I moved to downtown Chattanooga for a year & lived at his big truck repair shop. One year later, we moved to Ooltewah where Dad’s parents lived and I was going into the 3rd grade. After the move to the farm in Ooltewah, my upbringing became more stable and traditional. On the farm, I was expected to work daily, and I respected my grandfather, who I called Pappy.
"My life changed after 3rd grade. During Vacation Bible School at my home church, I accepted The One Lord as my Savior. I still remember walking down the aisle as young boy and surrendering the best I knew how. The comforting factor in a mist of all the traumatic experiences of my childhood was that I felt the Lord was with me all the way.
"My father was a small airplane pilot and when I was younger, we would go fly often. In fact, “Pappy” raced on the beaches of Daytona, FL when NASCAR was starting. Dad & I would fly to the NASCAR races often and usually went to the Daytona 500 hosted on July 4th. This was always special for me, because we still have family in Daytona, FL & my birthday is 7.7.73. The trip to the race was in a way a birthday present from my best friend – my father. I am now a private pilot.
"On June 8th 1987 time stopped. Lt. Michael Harvey with the THP came to our home, and personally informed me that Dad was dead. Lt. Harvey was a good friend. He had two sons, one 2 yrs. older than I was and the other was my age. He worked with my dad at times when a police escort was needed to move big equipment like a crane. Michael Harvey personally came to our home before any news was out. Very shortly after speaking with Lt. Harvey, I turned on the TV, & there it was – The SWAT team storming into my dad’s business looking for Max Hilton who was suspected of murdering my dad. Hilton had been fired from my dad’s company two days before. The building is big and the police didn’t know if he was still hiding out. After searching, they discovered that he had escaped from the scene of the crime.
"Only thing I can remember is just being numb, empty, lost, physically and mentally, almost like an out of body experience that day. This event occurred when I was moving up from Middle School to High School – 9th grade, and I don’t have many memories of High School to this day. I believe that my psychological defense created a vault for many painful memories that were buried deep inside. I was suppressing my pain and just trying to be “normal” like other kids. To make matters worse, my grandmother died a year later, so it was just Pappy and me. During these years, I simply came home, went to my room, used the rest room when needed, and ate. That’s the extent of Pappy’s love that I felt until I went to college. We grew closer then, because Pappy was proud of me for going to college, and making good grades – even on the Dean’s List. Not too bad for a kid that graduated high school without all the required classes, GPA 2.1 and an 18 on the ACT. I didn’t try in high school, but, in college, I found Kappa Sigma Fraternity. It gave me a sense of brotherhood which was incredibly important to me, and I was going to make good grades to assure I will remained in good standing with the Fraternity.
"Even in my partying years in college, God was watching over me. I met my wife at a Jimmy Buffet concert 8 days after my 21st birthday. She and I dated for 7.5 yrs. and we just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary. I think God is so awesome, because, even when I wasn’t walking the straight and narrow, God still was with me – protecting me.
"Max Hilton was convicted of murdering my dad. Through victims’ services, I was able to see where Hilton was and what he was doing. Soon after being incarcerated, he killed another man in prison, and spent time in solitary confinement. I am unsure about my feelings regarding Hilton, but I have been reminded about God’s grace and mercy through Phillip and Ron’s story. I have l also learned that I DO NOT have to be self-reliant; there is great freedom in trusting God.
"I feel like the chain of vengeance and hate for the man who killed my father is gone. However, the wounds from this traumatic event still exist and this is my struggle with treating the injury regularly. I find myself often dealing with shame, anxiety, and guilt, but I believe this is a result of the past injury. I think that most people who have dealt with a traumatic event will have something in result from the deep wound caused by an extreme event that effected their lives. The healthy place I have learned is to start feeling this pain, and NOT suppressing it. Dealing with the pain will help you find a source of relief. Phillip’s story of grace & forgiveness has helped me to start unpacking my past in ways I had not done before."
